Tip Toe

A Song about speaking up when it's quiet

We’re really gonna tip toe around this shit, huh

Yeah, I’m just sayin’ you’ve been kinda quiet on the subject
Just wondering
If you have an opinion
Yeah, yeah there’s two sides, huh
Yeah
Aren’t we tired of this

Yeah
Down at the bottom I hear you tip toe
Hummin’ along you under hypno
How many Hind’s you gonna sit for
Hmm

Let me catch ‘em open
Let me break ‘em open
Lemme tell ya somethin’
Lemme tell ‘em what you’re hopin’
Deep inside
You know I’m, open
To new ideas
I wanna hear what you think
I wanna hear what’s on your mind when you dream
I wanna hear what you got up in between
I wanna hear it from you
Face to face without a meme
Wanna turn off the news
Feign a faint amount a steam
Hear what you choose
Another minute on the beam
And then you
Tip toe
Like you out on the wall
You know the flip show’s
Startin to fall
Behind a screen
You gotta slip low
Doubtin’ them all
Walkin’ the mall
Clockin’ ‘em all
And I know you catch a meaning
And I know you catch a meaning
Deep down undefined
I know you feed it
Outta sight, outta mind
I know you see it

I want a mind
That never tip toes
I’ll nevermind
You gotta tip toe
Out on the grind
You never tip toe
Cash turnin’ the tide
Had us playin’ both sides
No, it’s not a good time
To walk the line 
On your tip toes
Yeah, on your tip toes

Maybe that’s why you got
Eyes on the back of your head
You got lies undercover in bed
You got signs and they all blinking red
You got time on the back of your neck
The war crimes
Speaking out instead
Amount and shred
Kids comin’ out with lead
Ya doubt and spread
Reasons how you found ‘em dead
I’m outta dread
Feelin like it’s now or never
Then I’m speakin’ up
Like I’m done pretending

Tell me more how you complicate it, yeah
Tell me more about your justification, tell me
Tell me more about your karma baby, yeah
Tell me more about your inner conflict anyway
Ay
Hem and hawing
You got the pros and cons and
You goin’ on and on and
Fuck what you sayin’ anyway
I been hearin’ the nonsense
On and on
And the Thrift Shop’s got more leadership than Congress

You say it can’t happen
Then it happens and you look away, huh
And you look away

Credits

Lyrics Written and Performed by me

Music Composed and Produced by JustDan

Mixed and Mastered by Deya Records & Angel Vergara (El Otro Lado Studio)

All of my share of the proceeds from streaming or sales will go to UNRWA & Humanitarian Organizations working in Palestine.

Back of the Page

It’s never been this loud. It’s never been this quiet.

We have been prioritizing our own comfort over witnessing and speaking truth.

We have allowed ourselves to get sucked into justification-based arguments, appealing to the nearest religious belief, law, or retribution story, as it suits us.

We have retreated into compartmentalization and avoidance as survival mechanisms, as we feel each other bearing the weight of the governments we empower fail us spectacularly.

We have fallen for meta-critiques of The Other People who do not seem to be doing enough, or are doing the wrong things. Generationally jabbing at each other about the ways we’re responding to the moment (“don’t share that AI photo, don’t protest, don’t boycott, don’t ask me to donate, don’t repost content that could offend or unsettle me, don’t bring this up now, do less, do more”).

We have allowed celebrities and influencers with platforms prioritize their own comfort, avoiding the issue or using their platform to talk about how they’re “Not-Talking” about Gaza.

We have allowed each other to succumb to the fragility of criticism by adopting a Canceled Victims Club mindset rather than push through and evolve out of the discomfort of being wrong.

We have fallen for “there will always be one more thing” arguments from people who are comfortable profiting off the status quo of this genocide, but don’t have the courage to say the quiet part out loud.

We spend energy arguing what “good faith” dialogue means in a world where the subtext is environmental catastrophe, humanitarian disasters with non-existent red lines, and leaders who pick-and-choose which international laws they want to follow.

“The Royal We”

It’s easier to talk about all of that using “The Royal We” so let me step into the light.

I understand the allure of an eye-for-an-eye revenge story, because I’ve fallen for zero-sum and fear-based protection stories. I’ve made mistakes and held retribution stances that didn’t age well, then admitted I was wrong and swung the other way.

I’ve tried to call out people by writing shame-based responses to their Posts that don’t have an intended audience and almost certainly weren’t read beyond a few confused people who thought it was about them.

I’ve tried to convince people that what is going on is horrible and needs to change, by sharing information and arguing with them. Like I’m somehow personally responsible for changing their minds, rather than just sharing my opinion, changing how I operate, and letting them go their way if they don’t agree.

So, here I am, stumbling through my learning journey: writing a song that I thought would be about encouraging people to speak up by pointing out the very human flaws I’ve also embodied…when I realize that there may be another level to explore.

You’re so vain, you probably think this song is…

about you?

Well if you do, maybe it is, and that would be something to unpack.

But it’s not really about you, is it?

It took me a few days after recording this to realize that this song does not need to convince anyone to speak up by shaming them.

My call to speak up in this song is not a literal ultimatum, like I’m standing at your door with a microphone waiting for your statement. In the past, that was me, hoping you’d change your mind if I’d engage in good faith. There’s been plenty of time for that.

I’m done feeling confused and exhausted by engaging with double-standard arguments that are a thin justification over a core of racism and hatred.

I’m done asking people where they stand.

Now, I just want them to know: I can hear you tip toe.

If they want to change that, it’s their responsibility to do the work, or ask for help when they are ready.

I’m not expecting anyone to bring air-tight legal cases on who is at fault and how they should be punished, or to draft comprehensive maps, plans and solutions for the region. Somewhere along the way, we were convinced that we need to come to the table with solutions rather than feelings. Or to keep trying to convince everyone until we burn out.

So what am I expecting?

A human response. Like Mohamad Habehh, who inspired this song by speaking out courageously for what’s right. When I heard him scream “HIND RAJAB WAS SIX YEARS OLD” I could feel the truth bypassing my mind’s ability to distort and confuse the situation entirely. He embodies the meaning of speaking up when it counts, and his voice has a power and resonance that inspired me to move into my emotions.

I want someone else to notice the books shaking, stop everything, and make eye contact across the room, like “did you feel that, too?”

I want to know that you understand and see what I see, as a human. So many of us are shying away from that. We’ve compartmentalized in the name of comfort or perfectionism - looking like we have our shit together - but really it’s still there under the surface, eating away at us.

We’re not Fine

I get it, that people are afraid of speaking up. There’s the threat of being called an anti-semite for criticizing war crimes against children. There’s the threat of losing friendships, being ostracized, or fired. There are laws on the table that squeeze our ability to even talk about this, and there’s an overall sense of people being in survival mode, just trying to keep our heads above water, anyway.

If you’re afraid to speak up about the WHOLE thing, what if you just picked one of these topics to research, quietly and without any expectation beyond learning:

• The passive voice in the media, where kids are “found dead” by some implied unknown force.

• The targeting of professional journalists coupled with calling into doubt the media sources we do have, which are also being blocked and censored because they reveal too much reality without an interpretation layer.

• The direct funding and arms shipments by the United States.

• The “red lines” that are crossed over and disregard for International Law.

• The influence a foreign government has on our politicians and laws (AIPAC), which are increasingly restricting our ability to speak freely about this.

• The collective punishment and terrorizing of children, like the killing of Hind Rajab, a 6 year old child (and missile striking the rescue crew that came to save her), the World Central Kitchen bombing, or the tent massacres of the last week. Strikes that are framed as “tragic mistakes” to the US and then celebrated as successful precision strikes in other contexts.

• The inhumane blocking of humanitarian aid and food, and constant redirection of civilians in an area the UNRWA calls hell, with no safe place to go.

You do not need to be an expert on any of this to form an opinion or make different decisions, personally. This isn’t even a comprehensive list, as I am Not An Expert.

Many people have said they feel bullied when they’re asked for an opinion on the above, and now I’m curious: is that feeling of being bullied actually just awareness dawning on you that we are living in a time period where the above is our collective subtext? If so, I get it. It’s daunting to acknowledge even one of those topics, let alone look at them all without turning away.

It’s even harder to feel complicit in it, as it’s nothing like the stories we were taught and what we want to believe about our society. Acknowledging this contradiction can feel like being backed into a corner. If we can feel one thing at a time and work through the defensiveness, together, maybe we can meet each other somewhere on a spectrum of awareness and change. But we need everyone to do the work rather than tip toe around it.

And if you are truly being bullied, I’m sorry. We all need to set boundaries and block people.

Finding Inspiration by Speaking Up

I released a song called FERDINAND on May 4th to start to explore my feelings about this. A few days later, Macklemore released “Hind’s Hall” - it struck a chord with me, and made me feel like I wasn’t alone. Finally someone with a global music platform spoke up about the hypocrisy and silence in our communities.

If Macklemore and Mohamad Habehh wouldn’t have spoken out, I would have felt even more isolated. But nobody forced their hand to speak out, and that’s what I’m learning. We need to offer information and speak up when we are ready, but we cannot force others to reach some spontaneous external enlightenment. If we speak up when we reach a genuine moment that we feel is worth sharing in our journey, it may inspire others to start the journey themselves.

I hope that you can find these moments of validation and solidarity along the way.

There are many Artists that have been making music about Palestine for years, but I will admit I was not aware of them until this year. Since then, I have discovered more artists like Nemahsis, Saint Levant, and Anees. Seeking out new voices like Bisan or Motaz can show us how small our bubbles are and open us up to new perspectives.

In my last Post about “new frames,” I shared that I struggle with allowing myself to be happy while also feeling angry and disappointed. One of the anxious thoughts I had was that I was not safe to express what I felt: that sharing my anger and disappointment would not go well for me, and that it would be my responsibility to fix any discomfort I’d cause with my friends and family.

Since then, I’ve come to see this like a Ted Lasso “Thank you and F You.”

Thank you for helping me find my voice, and F you for not speaking up when it counts.

It’s not comfortable to say or hear, and it doesn’t need to represent the entirety of our relationship together, but it’s what I needed to say now in order to break away from these co-dependent stories that I needed to “convince you to change.”

Instead, I trust that we will all find a way to figure this out together, but first, we need to speak up about the discomfort and share how we are really feeling. I’m sure there are some “Thank you and F You’s” waiting for us all on this path, if we’re going to give this a go.

What do you need to speak up about, with your unique voice and perspective?

How are you going to do it, and when?

FREE PALESTINE

Update: On June 2, after initial release, Mohamad decided to rescinded their permission to use a recording of their voice (we had an open dialogue together before and after release about consent and direct attribution). Out of respect, I took that version of the song down immediately and re-submitted it without using the sample on June 4. Although I did request permission and it was granted initially, with context of all proceeds going to Palestinian aid, at the end of the day we need to respect people’s wishes if they change their mind later, as it’s their voice and their choice. In today’s world of AI and permission-less appropriation, we all need to be more sensitive and model more human ways of collaboration. So I gladly adjusted the song and appreciate Mohamad setting a boundary after considering the full implications. If something doesn’t feel right, we need to listen to that voice and if people change their mind, we need to adapt.

Thank you for listening,

Van